Dick Yarbrough brings us a play-by-play of a Congressional Oversight Hearing on one of the hottest topics of the current legislative sessions.

I did a 12-14-04 post captioned: "As I expose some of you to the middle where we must go to win again, let me introduce someone I admire & respect. - Dick Yarbrough, a Great American."

That post read in part:

The last time a post included anything about Dick Yarbrough was an 08-30-04 post about Zell. This doesn't mean I don't read his columns. On the contrary, I never miss one. I love his writing, his style, his ability to say what I wish I had said.

Do we see eye-to-eye on everything? No, but we do on many if not most. He voted for President Bush; as you know, I voted for Sen. John Flipflop Kerry. Do you remember those lines I had in a 11-02-04 post:

"It's not for nothing that people in Massachusetts joked that his initials stand for Just For Kerry. Or that people spoke of him as the guy who refuses to wait in lines at restaurants because he thinks he's above everybody else."

When writing about those lines a couple of days later, I wrote in a 11-06-04 post:"

"I know some people who think they are too good to wait in lines at a restaurant with the rest of us proletariats and commoners. I don't care for peole who think they are too good to wait in lines at a restaurant, such people thinking they are above the rest of us."

Unfortunately for me, I have never met Dick Yarbrough. I am familiar with his extremely successful journey through life so far and his accomplishments. They are many.

Although I have never met him, I sense that Mr. Yarbrough would have the same feelings about some who refuses to wait in restaurant lines as I do and you probably do. Put another way, Dick Yarbrough is one of us; he understands us. Remarkably, many politicians do not.

All of the foregoing to let you know I am going to share one of Mr. Yarbrough's columns from five or six months ago so you can get to know him before I share a column he wrote immediately after Nov. 2.

I have been saving the post-Nov. column, but felt if I had posted it right after the election, many of you would have outright rejected his wisdom as poppycock.

Then came in the 12-14-04 post Mr. Yarbrough's column entitled:

A salute to some live Democrats

By Dick Yarbrough
June 23, 2004

A member of the Loyal Opposition - meaning those who don't agree with anything I say, which includes about half of the inhabited Earth - confided to a friend that ''the only Democrats Dick Yarbrough likes are dead Democrats.'' Not true. There are a lot of live Democrats I like.

Take Zell Miller, for example. I like him. He says what is on his mind. He always has. The media have a major case of the tut-tuts because he isn't saying what they want to hear. As if Zell Miller gives a quart of mule spit what the media thinks. I like that.

Sam Nunn is my favorite Democrat of all time. He is smart as a whip and was a pleasure to work with. We have had some great senators from Georgia, but none better than Sam Nunn.

I like former Gov. Joe Frank Harris. We were fraternity brothers at the University of Georgia. He was a good guy then and he is a good guy now. Harris has as little ego as any elected official who ever lived.

I like George Busbee, a hard-working governor with a great sense of humor.

I like Carl Sanders and Ernest Vandiver. Both came along at just the right time, when Georgia was struggling with civil rights issues, and they got us through that tough period in better shape than Alabama or Mississippi.

I like Roy Barnes. He lost an election he should have won, but he has been graceful in defeat. I particularly like the fact that he spent six months doing legal aid work.

I like Terry Coleman, the Democratic speaker of the House, and DuBose Porter, the speaker pro tem. I like former Majority Leader Larry Walker. Same for former Lt. Gov. Pierre Howard. I like Secretary of State Cathy Cox and her predecessor, Lewis Massey, and I wish Massey would run for public office again.

Now, here are some live Democrats I don't like.

I don't like Jimmy Carter's perpetual grandstanding. He was out of his league during his one-term presidency, yet former presidents didn't publicly undercut him as he has President Bush. One thing Carter's apologists don't mention is the mean-spirited gubernatorial campaign he ran against Carl Sanders in 1970, when he tried to out-Wallace George Wallace. Don't believe me? Look it up. Jimmy Carter either didn't mean what he said during that campaign, or he didn't have the courage of his convictions when he was elected. Either way, I don't like that.

Democrat Max Cleland had an unfortunate accident in Vietnam when somebody dropped a grenade and he lost both legs and an arm. He has put his life back together and I greatly admire him for that. I didn't admire him as a senator. He spent more time cuddling up to the liberal wing of the Democratic Party than he did representing the people of Georgia. When Cleland was Georgia's secretary of state, he always spoke to me. When he was elected senator, he acted as if he didn't know who I was. I didn't like that.

I don't like Ted Kennedy, because he caused the death of an innocent young woman and then was a coward about admitting what he had done. Today, he waddles into the Senate and sits in moral judgment of other people. God will get him for that.

I don't like former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, because he always looks as though he is about to come unhinged. I don't like people who scare me.

There are a whole bunch of live Democrats that I like and some that I don't. I hope this revelation totally befuddles the Loyal Opposition. I would like that.
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With the foregoing post being an introduction to Dick Yarbrough for some of you, I hope I have whet your appetite (or at least your curiosity) enough to read his column that was the subject of the post that followed the above-post. If you read it, and are enough out of post Nov. 2 denial to accept it, you are half way there in understanding why we Democrats got our butts kicked last Nov. 2. One paragraph from his column to further encourage you to go read it now:

Democrats are as out of touch with American values as are the national media. Democrats thought they could win the election without the South. As I said a year ago, it can't be done. We represent the traditional values that can get you elected - or defeated.

His columun is entitled "Liberals are out of touch and on wrong side of the cultural divide," and can be found at this link.
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Enough of the past. This week Dick Yarbrough's column is nothing heavy; just pure vintage Dick Yarbrough fun.

Columnists on steroids?

By: Dick Yarbrough
March 25, 2005

Rap! Rap! Rap! This session of the Congressional Oversight Committee on Burning Issues and Other Stuff is now in session. I want to remind my colleagues that our hearings are being televised. Therefore, it is critical that we posture a lot and wave our hands and not fall asleep so voters back home will think we are right on top of things. That way, nobody will bother us and we can get back to sponging dinners and campaign funds off lobbyists.

Today, we are looking into the disturbing issue of potential steroid use among newspaper columnists. Our first witness is Mr. Dick Yarbrough, a modest and much-beloved columnist from Georgia. As chairman, I will ask the first question: Chairman: “Mr. Yarbrough, we all know that steroids make people do some strange things. I noticed that as you entered the committee hearing room today, you ate a camera, two microphones and a doorknob. Are you on steroids?”

Yarbrough: “Mr. Chairman, I don’t want to talk about the past. I want to make this a better world for all mankind and to be a role model for young journalists in hopes they can emulate my remarkable career as a modest and much-beloved columnist. I will say only that I didn’t have my Froot Loops this morning. That tends to make me a little cranky.”

Chairman: “Senator Bilgebag?”

Bilgebag: “Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Yarbrough, have you ever used steroids?”

Yarbrough: “Senator, I don’t want to talk about the past. I want to make this a better world for self-important yuppie-boomers, who stand around yakking on their cell phones in hopes that we will be impressed. As to your question, there have been scurrilous rumors that I may have eaten broccoli willingly. One could reasonably assume that I was whacked out on something big-time.”

Chairman: “Congressperson Jones-Smith, do you have a question for our witness?”

Jones: “Thank you, Mr. Chairperson and let me first say how much I appreciate the chairperson holding these critical hearings. He/she is a dedicated public servant and a credit to all Euro-Americans. Mr. Yarbrough, columnists from the New York Times and the Washington Post who have appeared before this committee use such politically correct terms as ‘indigenous people’ and ‘undocumented workers,’ instead of terms like ‘Eskimos’ and ‘illegal aliens.’ I don’t believe I have ever seen such terms in your columns. Why are you so politically incorrect? Is it because of steroids?”

Yarbrough: “Congresswomanperson, I don’t want to talk about the past. I want to make this a better world for everybody, except France and the Dixie Chicks. Besides, I have been instructed by my attorney, who is a gay Cherokee Indian, to tell you to buzz off.”Chairman: “Congressman Blather, you have the next question.”

Blather: “Mr. Yarbrough, I have in my hand a newspaper article that says you were seen hanging out with a bunch of baseball players and that someone slipped you some cream to rub on your skin. We have every reason to believe that cream was a steroid. Sir, do you confirm or deny that story?”

Yarbrough: “Mr. Blather, I don’t want to talk about the past. I want to make this a better world for humor-challenged liberal weenies and turn their frowns upside down. The cream was for the arthritis in my fingers, which makes it tough for me to type my column each week.”

Blather: “What happened when you used the cream?”

Yarbrough: “I still have the arthritis, but now I can type 36,000 words a minute.”

Chairman: “Mr. Yarbrough, we are going to adjourn this important hearing now that everybody back home has seen us on television. As you can tell, Congress and the American people are very concerned about the possibility of rampant steroid use among newspaper columnists. Given your unsatisfactory responses today and the lack of an adequate testing program, you have given us little choice but to do what we do best—pass a bunch of meaningless laws that nobody, including us, will understand.”

Yarbrough: “Mr. Chairman, I don’t want to talk about the past. I am here to make members of Congress look relevant. Otherwise, you might have to go home and get real jobs.”